Visual Trademark - A Blog By CJ Mills

With every passing year, I become more and more older than these young kids who will be earning millions in guaranteed contracts in the next few years.  I can’t imagine what is going through their heads as they go from College Freshman to NBA Millionaires.  This is what they’ve been dreaming for since they were little AAU stars on the court.  I wonder if they ever wanted to grow up to be something different.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Thanks for being such a good big sister. I know the last few weeks have been harder for you than anyone else, but you’ve remained strong. Bouncing from house to house, going away with your cousins for a week so that Mommy and Daddy could be with Asher, waking up wondering if we would be there for you. Asher has no idea how lucky he is to have such a great big sister. You make your Mommy and Daddy both very proud.

While it pains us to see you grow so fast, it brings us great joy to see you grow into a strong and passionate little girl.

With love, admiration and pride,
Daddy

and you can’t help but smile. As I type this, we are now well beyond 24 hours in and Asher is doing great. The rest of us, on the other hand, are still trying to figure things out. Having two kids is TOTALLY different than bringing home your first. Couple that with the fact that Asher requires extra attention and is still hooked up to a few wires and you’ve got one crazy house.

Jadyn is enjoying her role as a big sister, but is not quite used to sharing her mom with Asher. She’s been through a lot the last few weeks, so it is understandable. I’ve been spending a lot of time with her outside to give Andrea and Asher some space. It is so much fun to watch our daughter interact with her little brother. She is completely captivated by his every move and sound. I look forward to seeing their relationship grow in the years to come.

Your response to yesterday’s news was amazing. Thank you all for your continued support and prayer. For those of you who are new readers and haven’t left Asher a comment for his baby book, hop on over here and do so when you get a chance. Those comments and words of encouragement are what has helped us get through the past 5 weeks. My guess is many of you can find similar encouragement there as well.

I do - especially after today.  Many of you were aware that after Asher’s temp dropped on Wednesday, the Doctor decided to take a proactive approach and run all sorts of tests on Asher - one of which included a CT scan of his brain.  The results were not good.  According to the CT scan, it appeared as though Asher suffered from some brain damage.  The CT scan showed cysts in the brain which caused some obvious concern.  Andrea and I were a wreck.  The Doctor said she was blown away by the results based on Asher’s development thus far, so she ordered an MRI, which would give more detail on the severity and location.

The MRI was not scheduled until Sunday, so we waited 3 LONG days for the MRI - fearing both the unknown and the possible known.

After suffering through long days of no news, our Doctor, who has been absolutely amazing with us, called us around 9:20 last night to let us know the results.  She said the MRI and the CT scan do not match up.  Whatever brain damage was present in the CT scan is not present in the MRI.  However, because the initial CT scan did show some abnormalities, they are not able to say that he is completely clean.  In other words (my words, not hers), there is no scientific or medical explanation.  She said, however, that “this is the best possible diagnosis you could ask for.”

Hearing it on the phone was one thing, but I wanted to hear it in person…and that happened today.

I got a call from Andrea around 9:00 this morning while at work.  She said that Asher was going to be released today.  While doing our final paperwork (eerily similar to only a few days before), our new Doctor stopped by to talk to us about the MRI.  During the conversation, he used the word “strange” over 10 times to describe the results.  “The MRI did not show the same abnormalities that the CT scan showed” - there, I heard it in person as well.

The funny thing is that Andrea and I weren’t too surprised by the Sunday evening phone call, or the face to face conversation today. Here is why:

1. The night before the MRI, our Pastor, his wife and Andrea’s mom met us in the NICU to pray over Asher. Andrea’s mom felt a strong calling to pray over him, knowing, for some reason, that everything was going to be OK.
2. While in the NICU, Andrea and her mother both had the same picture in their head - Jesus holding Asher’s head in his hands. In fact, they both explained it around the same time.
3. The sky on the way home from that prayer meeting on Saturday was absolutely amazing.
4. During church service, while the MRI was being conducted, Jim O’Donnell stood before the congregation to share that 12 years ago to the day, his wife nearly passed away after a heart transplant, only to make a remarkable recovery. Jim’s perspective on life has always been a true blessing to my wife and I, and his wife is one of the many unsung heroes of this world. Their story is truly amazing. Listening to Jim struggle to get the words out during the service, fighting back tears all the way, provided me an odd sense of peace. I found it interesting that the day Asher was schedule for his MRI aligned perfectly with Lizzie’s miracle story.
5. I helped lead worship on Sunday - again, during the MRI. It was a very powerful moment for me.
6. My mother-in-law was also leading worship at her church, during the MRI, and recalled singing the words to Holiness: “Take my mind, transform me.”
7. We had a crazy number of people praying for us. Everyone at church, work, family, friends - it was so encouraging. I even had a few of my blogging friends put up posts (here and here) asking people, who had never heard of Asher, to pray. THAT is why I blog.

I don’t know what you believe, or how you want to interpret this story, but I know that I’ve been changed by this entire journey.  We still have a ways to go.  Andrea and I are having to figure out how to be parents to two kids at the same time - one of which is still a month away from his actual due date.  We still have to pay extra close attention to Asher and carry his sleep apnea monitor with us everywhere we go.  We still have to wait another four to six months for a follow up MRI to show what the most recent MRI showed - nothing.  We still have to worry, as all parents do, that our kids will grow up to be “life changers” among all they encounter.  We still have no control of tomorrow…..

I wanted to leave you with a picture that I am holding on tightly to tonight. Enjoy watching Jadyn’s first real interaction with her baby brother…

Pretty amazing, isn’t it?

*part of positive post tuesday*

Had a few minutes before I head back to work and wanted to let you all see brother and sister together at last!  Check back tonight for full details.

Just wanted to let you all know that we have some good news to report on tomorrow.  It has been a long day, and I don’t want to miss any of the details by rushing the post tonight.  Check back tomorrow evening!

In the middle of all the stress surrounding Asher lately, I find it important to laugh along the way.  Andrea and I have been trying to live as normally as we can the past few days - after all, we’ve got another child that needs our attention.  The other night, while looking up new diaper bags for Asher, Andrea came across this one:

I’m not even sure “cute” baby stuff would come out looking the same after spending some time in this bag….

Could you pull this diaper bag off?

A great mentor, and even greater friend, sent me the below, summarized prayer by Teresa of Avila. He used this prayer while going through his own life storm….

Let nothing disturb you.
Let nothing frighten you.
Everything passes.
Patience gains all.
God alone is enough.

I don’t know about you, but the above seems hard on any normal day, let alone one filled with a lot of questions. Anyone else up for the challenge?

Yesterday was met with some bad news.  Some of Asher’s test results (as outlined here) came back negative.  The part that I’m having a hard time dealing with is not knowing if the negative results are really something to worry about or not.  The doc now wants to run a more detailed test to see what we are up against.

I can’t give you details of what is going on with the test as we aren’t really sure ourselves, and we don’t want to cause any unnecessary worry; however, we did want you all to know so you could continue to pray.

I haven’t had a chance to really take a look at all of my readers here at visualtrademark.com, but I do believe most are parents or males.  I think I could capture nearly all of my audience in those two buckets.  This works out great because most of you then know EXACTLY how I am feeling right now…

As a parent - the LAST thing you want to see is your child in a vulnerable position…especially in one where you cannot help at all.  When Jadyn had a nasty collision that required stitches, I remember thinking, as we were driving to the emergency room, “I’m her dad, the protector, and I can’t do anything about her injury right now.”  Watching some guy you’ve never met before stitch up your kid while she is screaming her lungs out will make any man weak….  I’ve got the same kind of feeling right now about Asher.

As a male, you all can relate as males hate not being able to fix things.  I’m not exactly a handy man like my dad or my brother-in-law, but I am a pretty good problem solver when it comes to most things around the house.  My wife (and if your a married male, my guess is your wife can relate) hates the fact that I try to fix all of her/our problems.  Well, I want all you males out there to try this on for size — I’ve got no answers, no game plan, no freaking clue what is going on or how to even begin to fix it…or if there even is a fix.

Yet, here I sit in my office as my baby boy remains at the NICU, holding us all in suspense.  Let’s just hope Asher continues to live out the meaning of his name - blessed.

I have recently come in contact with a few new friends through this blog.  One of them, Scott, posted this comment in response to the news that Asher was not coming home:

I am standing in agreement that this is only a minor delay. I receive that, and am so thankful that this delay is short. Father God come, come down and warm sweet Asher so that he may be home with his family. In Jesus’ Mighty Name - Amen!!!!

I know I’ve said this before about the many people I’ve met and connected with online, but finding this kind of support among people I’ve never met is amazing. Combine that with an amazing support team of family, friends and coworkers, and I quickly realized that ALL OF YOU are helping us in more ways than you’ll ever know.

Why do you (or don’t you) blog?